Its been a few days. 2 more weeks to go. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I don't why I'm getting so anxious and anticipating things which I still do not know how the outcome is going to be like. I know deep down I'm still afraid. I'm still afraid of the chances of being hurt and hurting others that obviously have no fault in my life.
But there is still a pinch of hope for a better day, meeting the right person and starting all over. Making me feel like i've never been hurt before, making me realized that I'm still strong though those years has drained the energy out of me and I'm left with only heartache at the end of the day. And also to make me believe that there are still goodness out there.
I'm trying to stop myself from being so restless. To stop myself from thinking of him. But then negativity always get the best of me. Somehow i feel he's better off with someone better than me. Someone that's on par with him. Unlike me.
Which again, with all the heartbreaks that I'd caused.. Probably due to my carelessness of my own actions. I just think I don't really deserve the happiness that I ought to have. I'm a completely messed up girl. As much as I want to not feel this way I cant lie to myself. I still think of him. And really do badly miss him. Every single bit of him. The years that we had spent together. Moments that truly is very meaningful to me and those moments that I would remember for the rest of my life.
I hope someday, all these are just gonna be something I'm gonna reflect back and say "Hey, I managed to go through it! And I'm proud of myself."